#1504 - mea culpa

 

1504

5.43

12.ii.24

mea culpa

or

I fuck up

 

from too far spread

I could say

 

I have the raft of excuses

 

swim through

the collateral damage

 

fuck myself up

I kick all my own goals

just cling

 

okay?

no way!

 

call it a lack of care, attention

I make own anxious misgivings

 

I overdo, I underegg

 

bull at china shop gate

 

mix the metaphors too freely

 

it’s my own fault, the storm

find myself on the outer

 

I’ve been a disappointment

I disappoint

I’ll go on to disappoint

 

could say ‘can’t be helped’

 

piss weak!

 

I do blame my own

self, more than most

 

I fuck up my own sleep

 

I am my own weakest link

 

hammer thumbs flat

and where’s that nail?

 

must up the ante

put myself on the cross

or just cart it around

 

there are these stages

 

it’s not as if I haven’t before

 

I’m sorry

I’m not sorry enough

 

you would be too

 

I dust off the day that went wrong

and I do it

again and again and again

 

dirty job

this somebody does

 

I, always less than wished

fall short of what might have

 

weed full blown

won’t measure

 

though my own length at last

 

the widowmaker branch in the storm

where ants were buried all these years

 

I never catch up with myself