#981 - the king of Finland

 

13.ix.22

981

3.255

the king of Finland

poem with some Finnish words

 

unassuming bear

and equal among happiest

first

of all

is a growly moomin

must never say ‘boo’ to karhu

 

king’s taciturn

has extensive defences

(foremost of which – this impossible language

… very few get in)

 

yet might meet without the password

nor ever knowing

here is the king of Lintukoto!

 

has under floor heating

we all do

 

the king shops at K (where else?)

gets two of everything

is always better value

lots and lots of coffee

and some nights, off his trolley

 

coughs up in markka from back in the day

you may say peräkammarin poika

but the king is a family man

none of this kalsarikänni

 

walks his dog

as any other bear would

he comes to the edge

that’s 5.4%

 

and so he gets his jolleys

sometimes goes as far as Alko for that…

humble, kneels for kyykkiviini

 

but it’s not a gender thing

as easily a queen, prince, princess

these days your king can be who he is

and at the same time

maintain a thousand miles of don’t-you-dare tunnel

best missile systems

lest the dread czar

 

next year in Karelia!

 

the king wears a little Christmas crown

to know what day it is

and knows by Nokia

 

the king of Finland could be anyone

think of it as a lottery nobody wants to win

it’s unfinnish!

 

little forest in his head

where the old wars must continue

but the king of Finland pays them no mind

 

it’s summer so must fix the mower

that door half off its hinges

there are always some boards to paint

 

here’s weather

it’s kingly to attend these truths

 

just a sisu guy

just an average bloke

no pulkunnussija

lives everywhere that Finnish is mis-spoke

nobody knows his name

or it’s not what you’d want to pronounce

 

in later ages off to bed

and there’s a talkoot too

most kingly

to dream of lakes

and tall tall trees

snows melted into spring

 

 

 

 

 

glossary:

 

karhu – bear, but don’t say it to a bear

Lintukoto – the safe place in the fairytale

peräkammarin poika – the boy in the back room never grew up

kalsarikänni – drunk in one’s undies at home

Alko – government monopoly grog shop

kyykkiviini – crappy cask wine on the bottom shelf

sisu – can-do fighting Finnish spirit

pulkunnussija – pedant (fucker of commas)

talkoot – community volunteering spirit

 

 

of course there needs to be a more less Finnish versions of this poem

 

 

so here’s a version in English without the need of the glossary:

 

the king of Finland

 

is an unassuming bear

and equal among happiest

first

of all

is a growly moomin

must never say ‘boo’ to a bear

 

king’s taciturn

has extensive defences

(foremost of which – this impossible language

… very few get in)

 

yet might meet without the password

nor ever knowing

here is the king of a cloud cuckoo land

 

has under floor heating

we all do

 

the king shops at the K supermarket

(where else? there’s one in every town)

gets two of everything

is always better value

lots and lots of coffee

and some nights, off his trolley

 

coughs up in the old money from back in the day

you may say he’s the kid who never grew up

but the king is a family man

none of this drunk in your undies at home

 

walks his dog

as any other bear would

he comes to the edge

that’s 5.4%

(as high as your supermarket beer goes)

 

and so he gets his jolleys

sometimes comes as far as government grog shop …

so humble, kneels down for a cheap cask of wine

 

but it’s not a gender thing

as easily a queen, prince, princess

these days your king can be who he is

and at the same time

maintain a thousand miles of don’t-you-dare tunnel

best missile systems

lest the dread czar

next year in Karelia!

(the Russians should never have pinched that

but who wants them all speaking Russian here

…)

 

he shakes his head at that!

the king wears a little Christmas crown

to know what day it is

and knows by Nokia

bring bring

 

the king of Finland could be anyone

think of it as a lottery nobody wants to win

it’s unfinnish!

 

little forest in his head

where the old wars must continue

but the king of Finland pays them no mind

 

it’s summer so must fix the mower

that door half off its hinges

there are always some boards to paint

 

here’s weather

it’s kingly to attend these truths

 

just a can-do guy

just an average bloke

no pedant

lives everywhere that Finnish is mis-spoke

nobody knows his name

or it’s not what you’d want to pronounce

 

in later ages off to bed

and there’s a working bee as well

it is most kingly

you must know

to dream of lakes

and tall tall trees

snows melted into spring